This photo is a daffodil flowering and growing despite the conditions it has found itself in - basically perched on the edge of a cliff! I saw this recently whilst out walking on the coast path just after Storm Darcy passed through Cornwall. Initially I was shocked to see a daffodil blooming on the coast path and then I was in awe of the strength of this little flower, against all odds flowering and standing tall right there, giving so much joy to passers by.
The daffodil reminded me of my own journey over the last year, which has been tough - facing up to some difficult truths and having to make significant changes to my life for my own wellbeing. I've realised how we rarely take a look at ourselves and say “wow look at that I am still here, happy and healthy, having gotten through the dark days”. We could all take more time to praise ourselves, and others, for that.
This naturally led to me thinking about my work and the young people who I have worked with over the years. How I've had the privilege to walk alongside them as they've worked through their darkest days. How they've bloomed once they come out of the other side. It also got me thinking about myself - although life has at times been challenging - I’m still surviving and standing tall.
In terms of young people who are, or have been, impacted by familial substance use negatively, they are the daffodil: and they can flower despite the environment and challenging circumstances they find themselves in with the right support. That is why I am undertaking this challenge and raising money to increase our capacity to support these young people.
These thoughts led me to thinking about what helps me navigate the hard times and what helps me day to day to manage my mental health. For me (and this is an individual list) it’s running, music, walking, water (the sea, rivers, streams), the dog, reading and therapy. I call this my tool box (tools for emotional support). I’m not saying my tools are the best, or that everyone should do what I do - we’re all individuals and everyone’s tool box is different, but we can support each other to find things that work.
Encouraging others to remember things they enjoy, or to try the things they have always wanted to try may support them emotionally. I didn't realise until this last year how important water is to my wellbeing. I needed someone else to help me see that. I also realised that often, young people are much better at this than adults. Recently, whilst out on the coast path, I was overwhelmed by a memory from when I was a teenager - I had a clear image in my mind of lying on my bed feeling overwhelmed and anxious (this was most of the time when I was a teenager). If I lay very still and very quiet I could hear the sea, and this would calm me. I had completely forgotten about this and now think what a great way to calm yourself! I don't live close enough to the sea now to do that but I can walk to a local beach, or drive further afield, and be by the sea for miles.
I used to get really frustrated when people would say ‘oh you need to meditate’ like it's that easy! And when I would try and ultimately fail, I would feel bad about myself. What I have realised is my best thoughts come when I am walking, my clearest mind is when I am walking, peace comes over me when I am walking and that’s pretty cool. I really like the idea that I am finding the deepest version of myself on those walks. I don’t get that quietness or clarity of mind or hear my intuition so strongly when doing anything else. This is my way of being mindful and it works for me! I am physically and mentally vulnerable at these times but also at my strongest.
What do you need to maintain your emotional wellbeing? What are your tools? Are there enough tools so that you have options if one isn’t enough?
If you feel like you are failing at mindfulness or at finding ways to relax, know that you are not failing, it may just be that you haven't found what works best for you yet. Relaxation techniques, practising mindfulness and meditation should not make you feel worse! So why not give walking, running or listening to the sound of the ocean a try?